Long gone are the days when brides registered for not one, but two sets of china. (One for everyday, and one for company!) Not as many couples are chosing to register for tangible gifts. More engaged couples are already living together, and thus do not have a need for traditional registry items like dishes, cutlery, linens etc. My fiancé and I were really back and forth on whether we wanted to set up a registry.
Being a previous condo owner, I had almost everything we needed to set up our new home together. When we first got engaged, the idea of registering seemed silly to me. I've given cash as a gift at nearly every wedding I've been to, and the thought of receiving cash and being able to spend it on anything really appealed to me.
A few months into our engagement, we started looking for an apartment. With the big move ahead, I started thinking more seriously about my furnishings and belongings. I came to realize that most of it was either my parents's old stuff, or low quality items I had purchased to get me through university. How nice would it be to have a mini refresh? That's when I started to consider registering!
My fiancé and I knew we would be able to save the majority of the money we would need to pay for the wedding. We both committed to making some financial sacrifices in order to allocate most of our earnings towards the wedding fund. Neither of us were comfortable with accumulating debt to pay for the big day. (Many couples do, and use the monetary gifts they receive to pay off their wedding debts.) With that in perspective, we realized the gifts we would receive on our wedding day would just be a bonus. It's not like we would actually NEED the money to pay off our wedding expenses... so why NOT register!?
Personally, I've always preferred giving and receiving tangible gifts instead of money or gift cards. A lot of people share this sentiment. Setting up a registry gives your guests the choice of purchasing a gift they know you will like. The reality is, you will definitely have guests who will bring gifts to either the wedding or the bridal shower. Without a registry, you may receive items you don't need, want, or like. With a registry, although you know what you're getting ahead of time, you will still have the exciting experience of opening gifts together. You will keep your gifts and the memory of the guests who gifted them to you for a lifetime. ~♡~
Monday 29 August 2016
Friday 26 August 2016
Plus Ones
Inviting plus ones is a bit of a controversial topic when it comes to weddings, so I'm going to do my best to be tactfully honest here. (While still expressing my true opinion on this topic!) Initially, we didn't extend plus ones to all of our guests for a number of reasons. As the RSVP deadline drew closer, we eventually decided to let all of our friends bring their dates. Below, I will outline the main arguments we had AGAINST inviting plus ones, justifying our original decision. (This is definitely something I've had to explain to a lot of people!)
Before I dig a little deeper into these arguments, I want to clarify what a "plus one" means to US. Let's say one of our friends has been seeing someone for a few years, maybe they live together, chances are we have hung out with both of them on multiple occasions. We wouldn't count our friend's date as a plus one; rather, we would address the invitation to both of them as a couple. We consider both of them to be our friends. On the flip side: if one of our friends has been seeing someone for a few months, maybe they're on and off, maybe they're a young couple, maybe we assume this isn't a long term relationship, or maybe we've only met them once or twice, that would be considered a plus one. We would address the invite to our friend, and a plus one for their date. (Whoever this happens to be at the time...)
I really hope no one takes offense to the above generalizations. As it turns out, five of our guests who were going to bring a plus one have since broke up, so I'm not wrong! If you're currently planning a wedding, know that breakups (among an array of other life events/emergencies) WILL happen, so make sure you can be flexible with your table/seating plan.
Most people would agree that bringing someone to a wedding signals that you're quite serious about the relationship; however, it doesn't mean you'll stay with that person forever. (Hence my above example of the five breakups!) When you invite plus ones, you might be inviting people to your special day that you will never see or meet again. We couldn't possibly justify this, given our venue capacity. I've actually been to several weddings as a date for couples I had never met before, and have never seen or heard from since. Reflecting on this now, I actually feel somewhat guilty for having attended, taking up a valuable seat.
The number one (no pun intended) reason we didn't initially allow plus ones for everyone is due to our reception venue capacity. With all of our close friends and family, without plus ones, we still ended up sending out more invitations than our venue could actually accomodate. It came down to a matter of whether we were going to invite a few more friends, or extend plus ones. Obviously, we would rather have more people there who are important to us. So, this was the main reason we decided to axe the plus ones when we sent out our invitations.
Our reception venue capacity is 160, and we planned our budget with our venue assuming an attendance of 150. We invited upwards of 170, which was a little risky, but we knew that several people would likely decline. Once we started receiving a few decline responses, we felt good about changing our minds and allowing plus ones for our friends. Who said there was anything wrong with changing your mind!? ~♡~
Before I dig a little deeper into these arguments, I want to clarify what a "plus one" means to US. Let's say one of our friends has been seeing someone for a few years, maybe they live together, chances are we have hung out with both of them on multiple occasions. We wouldn't count our friend's date as a plus one; rather, we would address the invitation to both of them as a couple. We consider both of them to be our friends. On the flip side: if one of our friends has been seeing someone for a few months, maybe they're on and off, maybe they're a young couple, maybe we assume this isn't a long term relationship, or maybe we've only met them once or twice, that would be considered a plus one. We would address the invite to our friend, and a plus one for their date. (Whoever this happens to be at the time...)
I really hope no one takes offense to the above generalizations. As it turns out, five of our guests who were going to bring a plus one have since broke up, so I'm not wrong! If you're currently planning a wedding, know that breakups (among an array of other life events/emergencies) WILL happen, so make sure you can be flexible with your table/seating plan.
Most people would agree that bringing someone to a wedding signals that you're quite serious about the relationship; however, it doesn't mean you'll stay with that person forever. (Hence my above example of the five breakups!) When you invite plus ones, you might be inviting people to your special day that you will never see or meet again. We couldn't possibly justify this, given our venue capacity. I've actually been to several weddings as a date for couples I had never met before, and have never seen or heard from since. Reflecting on this now, I actually feel somewhat guilty for having attended, taking up a valuable seat.
The number one (no pun intended) reason we didn't initially allow plus ones for everyone is due to our reception venue capacity. With all of our close friends and family, without plus ones, we still ended up sending out more invitations than our venue could actually accomodate. It came down to a matter of whether we were going to invite a few more friends, or extend plus ones. Obviously, we would rather have more people there who are important to us. So, this was the main reason we decided to axe the plus ones when we sent out our invitations.
Our reception venue capacity is 160, and we planned our budget with our venue assuming an attendance of 150. We invited upwards of 170, which was a little risky, but we knew that several people would likely decline. Once we started receiving a few decline responses, we felt good about changing our minds and allowing plus ones for our friends. Who said there was anything wrong with changing your mind!? ~♡~
Wednesday 24 August 2016
Setting a Date
Reflecting on the past 10 months, I can confidently say that choosing dates for all of our events was one of the biggest challenges we faced. In addition to making sure everyone in our immediate families as well as the wedding party were available, we also had to make sure venues could accommodate us on our chosen dates. In order to accomodate everyone's schedules, we've had to be very flexible with our plans.
For our wedding day, we originally wanted to have it during the fall. Additionally, knowing that there would be tons of out of town guests, we wanted to chose a long weekend to make it easier for everyone to arrange travel plans. After discussing these factors together, we had actually set a date on the long weekend in October and we were all set to start looking for a venue.
As it turns out, the church that my fiancé and I wanted to be married in is closed for painting for several months, starting in mid-September. Looking at some other options, September 3rd fit the bill for the long weekend. Although we don't get the fall wedding we had initially imagined, we are still able to incorporate many fall themed elements. Labour day weekend is often thought of as the unofficial turning point from summer to fall, so a lot of fall ideas will still work really well on this date.
Thinking back, our likely mistake was setting a date before even considering venue availability, especially since we were set on getting married in a particular church. We were so excited to be engaged, I guess we figured setting a date would be the best place to start! ~♡~
For our wedding day, we originally wanted to have it during the fall. Additionally, knowing that there would be tons of out of town guests, we wanted to chose a long weekend to make it easier for everyone to arrange travel plans. After discussing these factors together, we had actually set a date on the long weekend in October and we were all set to start looking for a venue.
As it turns out, the church that my fiancé and I wanted to be married in is closed for painting for several months, starting in mid-September. Looking at some other options, September 3rd fit the bill for the long weekend. Although we don't get the fall wedding we had initially imagined, we are still able to incorporate many fall themed elements. Labour day weekend is often thought of as the unofficial turning point from summer to fall, so a lot of fall ideas will still work really well on this date.
Thinking back, our likely mistake was setting a date before even considering venue availability, especially since we were set on getting married in a particular church. We were so excited to be engaged, I guess we figured setting a date would be the best place to start! ~♡~
Monday 22 August 2016
Honouring Wedding Traditions
Receiving line, first dance, bouquet toss, garter toss... the list goes on with these age old wedding reception traditions. Which ones do you choose to include in your big day? How do you justify eliminating something to those who have certain expectations?
Having been to several weddings, I felt I had a pretty good idea of what the typical wedding reception entails. Although I haven't necessarily been planning my wedding since childhood, attending weddings has helped me to better shape my thoughts and ideas regarding my own. I started planning my wedding by process of elimination. I knew exactly what I didn't want, and from there I was able to determine what I wanted.
Along the way, close friends and family members have repeatedly asked how the planning is going. Everyone I have talked to regarding planning seems to have formed an opinion on at least one aspect of the wedding reception. Being constantly bombarded by both questions and opinions can be both exhausting and frustrating. Regardless of these conversations, my fiance and I have stuck firm to our original plan. Footing most of the bill has definitely helped our case!
One wedding reception tradition that we are doing away with is the receiving line. I've been to weddings both with and without, and I don't think eliminating it will detract from our day. With an attendance of 150 people, we thought it would be too time consuming to try having a forced conversation with each of our guests. We decided we would rather walk around together and mingle informally throughout the evening rather than forcing our guests to stand in a line to have a word with us. (Especially when they are probably hungry, thirsty, and ready to sit down and rest their feet!)
The beautiful thing about your own wedding is that you can truly MAKE it your own. There is no rule saying you have to honour every wedding tradition. (Regardless of what anyone says!) Many people who attend a wedding have certain expectations; but ultimately, it's up to the bride and groom to decide what they want to include in their special celebration. ~♡~
Having been to several weddings, I felt I had a pretty good idea of what the typical wedding reception entails. Although I haven't necessarily been planning my wedding since childhood, attending weddings has helped me to better shape my thoughts and ideas regarding my own. I started planning my wedding by process of elimination. I knew exactly what I didn't want, and from there I was able to determine what I wanted.
Along the way, close friends and family members have repeatedly asked how the planning is going. Everyone I have talked to regarding planning seems to have formed an opinion on at least one aspect of the wedding reception. Being constantly bombarded by both questions and opinions can be both exhausting and frustrating. Regardless of these conversations, my fiance and I have stuck firm to our original plan. Footing most of the bill has definitely helped our case!
One wedding reception tradition that we are doing away with is the receiving line. I've been to weddings both with and without, and I don't think eliminating it will detract from our day. With an attendance of 150 people, we thought it would be too time consuming to try having a forced conversation with each of our guests. We decided we would rather walk around together and mingle informally throughout the evening rather than forcing our guests to stand in a line to have a word with us. (Especially when they are probably hungry, thirsty, and ready to sit down and rest their feet!)
The beautiful thing about your own wedding is that you can truly MAKE it your own. There is no rule saying you have to honour every wedding tradition. (Regardless of what anyone says!) Many people who attend a wedding have certain expectations; but ultimately, it's up to the bride and groom to decide what they want to include in their special celebration. ~♡~
Wednesday 17 August 2016
Catholic Marriage Preparation Course
As part of getting married in the Catholic Church, my fiance and I had to attend a mandatory marriage preparation course. When I first learned of this, I was a little apprehensive of what exactly this Catholic course might entail. Hearing stories of my parents' experience when they took the same course nearly 30 years ago didn't do much to put me at ease.
Although I was baptized, raised, and confirmed in the Catholic faith, I have never really been an active member of the parish community. I can't even really claim that I am a practicing Catholic. With a hectic work and travel schedule over the past several years, I rarely have the time, or one could argue I rarely MAKE the time, to attend weekly mass in my hometown. (I should point out that I have made the effort to attend mass more frequently as of late!) Needless to say, this marriage preparation course put on by prominent members of the parish community was sounding a lot more like an obligation than a blessing to me.
Before attending our course, Ken and myself had to complete a very detailed assessment/questionnaire about our ideas and values regarding certain topics such as finance, family life, self-esteem, communication, and conflict resolution. Contemplating some of the questions, I really hoped both of our answers would be kept private from the group. Luckily, our interpreted results were handed to us privately and we were able to discuss them as a couple. I found this part of the course very helpful. We were able to see which areas we agreed and disagreed on, and identify areas of opportunity for discussion. It was a great lead in to start the conversation between us about some aspects of marriage we may not have thought about discussing previously.
Throughout the weekend, we heard from a few couples on the various topics we covered. (Finance, intimacy, conflict resolution, etc) Each couple hosted a group discussion, giving real examples from their own marriage. The testimonies were honest, and at times emotional. The couples who hosted workshops shared both the good and the bad. Ken and I really appreciated the couples who volunteered their time to tell their unique and memorable stories during these workshops.
We were also pleasantly surprised to discover that the Catholic teachings throughout this course were quite a bit more liberal than either of us had expected. For example, the current teaching on family planning is to make informed, responsible and loving decisions with your partner. Although natural family planning is strongly encouraged throughout the course, this teaching now supports alternate methods that may arise from making these decisions together. Clearly, there are a number of scenarios (primarily health reasons) which would require a couple to make some tough decisions. We were glad to hear that any decision we made using this model would be supported by the Church.
At the beginning the course, we had wondered whether the materials covered would be preparing us for a Catholic marriage as seen through rose coloured glasses. In fact, we found it was quite the opposite. The facilitators did a great job covering a multitude of issues and scenarios that may crop up throughout the course of our future marriage. Overall, we both found the course useful as well as interesting. ~♡~
Although I was baptized, raised, and confirmed in the Catholic faith, I have never really been an active member of the parish community. I can't even really claim that I am a practicing Catholic. With a hectic work and travel schedule over the past several years, I rarely have the time, or one could argue I rarely MAKE the time, to attend weekly mass in my hometown. (I should point out that I have made the effort to attend mass more frequently as of late!) Needless to say, this marriage preparation course put on by prominent members of the parish community was sounding a lot more like an obligation than a blessing to me.
Before attending our course, Ken and myself had to complete a very detailed assessment/questionnaire about our ideas and values regarding certain topics such as finance, family life, self-esteem, communication, and conflict resolution. Contemplating some of the questions, I really hoped both of our answers would be kept private from the group. Luckily, our interpreted results were handed to us privately and we were able to discuss them as a couple. I found this part of the course very helpful. We were able to see which areas we agreed and disagreed on, and identify areas of opportunity for discussion. It was a great lead in to start the conversation between us about some aspects of marriage we may not have thought about discussing previously.
Throughout the weekend, we heard from a few couples on the various topics we covered. (Finance, intimacy, conflict resolution, etc) Each couple hosted a group discussion, giving real examples from their own marriage. The testimonies were honest, and at times emotional. The couples who hosted workshops shared both the good and the bad. Ken and I really appreciated the couples who volunteered their time to tell their unique and memorable stories during these workshops.
We were also pleasantly surprised to discover that the Catholic teachings throughout this course were quite a bit more liberal than either of us had expected. For example, the current teaching on family planning is to make informed, responsible and loving decisions with your partner. Although natural family planning is strongly encouraged throughout the course, this teaching now supports alternate methods that may arise from making these decisions together. Clearly, there are a number of scenarios (primarily health reasons) which would require a couple to make some tough decisions. We were glad to hear that any decision we made using this model would be supported by the Church.
At the beginning the course, we had wondered whether the materials covered would be preparing us for a Catholic marriage as seen through rose coloured glasses. In fact, we found it was quite the opposite. The facilitators did a great job covering a multitude of issues and scenarios that may crop up throughout the course of our future marriage. Overall, we both found the course useful as well as interesting. ~♡~
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